its already november... three months since my last post... seriously, time goes by waaaaay too fast for me these days~ its hard to believe that a few more weeks and it'll be thanksgiving... a few more weeks after that is christmas, then after that - a brand new year... its just crazy, i'm telling you, crazy!

at the same time, the past few months have been a long and arduous journey for me... there's been a lot of breaking, excruciatingly painful, but hopefully a lot of growing as well... God has been faithfully answering my prayers that i might die to myself more and more each day... that i may decrease so that He may increase... and through it all, He has driven me to my one resounding plea to Him:

MAY JESUS BE ENOUGH FOR ME!!!

its a hard thing when God is silent... but its just as much a hard thing when He is not... no matter how long you've been praying for God to reveal to you what you must die to, in order that you may grow in Him and in His likeness, it doesn't make it any less difficult when He does reveal those things to you and asks you to die to those parts of yourself... He brings attention to every small detail that we so often overlook... the last thing you expect Him to ask you to lay down at the foot of the Cross... and the "that's just the way i am" excuse seems exactly just that - an excuse.

i won't lie. its been hard. but i can honestly say that i am ok. i am hurting, but i am ok with the pain. i am ok with the pain because i know that this time of refining and purifying is a necessary step in building a character and a faith that is that much closer to what God made me to be. so, i will continue to pray that prayer as daily He reminds me and shows me, more and more, just how far i am from where He wants me to be and how much more i need to pray this prayer!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighes them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's powere may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10.

...and, through it all, i find strength in knowing that He is with me, that He is the one working within me, that it is not by my strength but only through His that He changes me... so daily i press on, and will continue to press on, til that glorious day when Jesus returns to take me home!